Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Great Day...

spent with my dearest friends!  My life has become SO busy in different ways...the job hunt is taking up most of my time....time that was formerly spent studying and working on school work...which I much prefer...finances are tighter than they've ever been, but I'm still hanging in there...but having no disposable income precludes much in the way of a social life!

Jan and Paul are my rocks...they are more than family to me, and I love them dearly.  We've been friends ever since our daughters met at three years old in the sandbox at preschool.  We have LOTS of history together...the good times, the hilarious adventures, the sad times, the awful times...we raised our daughters together...we lead a Girl Scout troop together...we face Jan's Parkinsons matter what, we are there for each other, and I am blessed to have them in my life!

So, Paul bought us tickets for a bus trip to a casino yesterday...and yes, I went...not to gamble, but to shop at the outlet mall across the street from the casino....a three-hour bus trip both ways, broken up by a five-hour stay at the casino/mall...Jan and I headed to the mall, and my daughter (who lives 20 minutes away) met us there with Emma and Ashlyn.  We plundered the children's stores, and it was OK - different but OK - that I didn't buy anything for the girls...rather than focus on what I didn't have, I focused on what I DID have...and my heart was full.  I played with the girls and kept them occupied while Elizabeth and Jan shopped...Jan bought a darling dress for Emma (pictured above, jumping for joy!) - who is adamant about the fact that she will only wear dresses, skirts and shirts...and a good time was had by all....

On the way home, Paul and I were discussing my job search...he hadn't realized how long and how hard I've been looking....he has a niece who is the operations manager of a quality search firm, and he contacted her last resume is on the way, and she will see that it gets into the right hands....such a blessing!

It was a great day...spent away from the relentless focus of  searching for a job...basking in the love that surrounded me...the comfort that comes from being with friends who fit like a favorite pair of jeans...again, finding that elusive balance that makes me, like my Emma, jump for joy!

Friday, July 2, 2010

A Balancing Act....

I admit that things are definitely not easy for me right now....I don't do well with uncertainty, and have been dealing with anxiety because of the state of my finances/future/ times like this, I just want to pull the covers over my head and stay cocooned safely in my bed!

But I haven't done that....I've "hit the employment search" every single day...spent time with a beloved mentor who has helped me immensely by teaching me to reframe my perspective on my life...this is simply one chapter...NOT the entire story, by any means!  I've felt overwhelmed when my "life plan" got sidetracked thanks to the state of the California economy...felt anxious when not receiving any responses to resumes sent out, brochures offering tutoring services bringing no responses, and advertising rooms for rent in my home bringing the same zero responses.

I AM an educator...just not credentialed yet...that WILL come in the meantime, something WILL come up that will enable me to continue to pay my bills and live.  I just have to keep up my end of the deal by continuing to do the footwork.

What got me into trouble was focusing ALL of my efforts on employment, and feeling the effects of rejection, which I translate into anxiety...and then became less effective in attaining my objective or accomplishing/enjoying anything else about my life.

Lesson learned:  BALANCE in all things is essential for my emotional well-being and quality of life.  I cannot let just one area overshadow the rest...the result for me is a disaster.

So, I headed down to San Diego for a couple of days to celebrate my daughter's birthday...Emma had her heart set on making Mommy a "house cake"....the results of our efforts are shown at the top of this post...precious moments that I could have missed if I didn't heed the lesson!  I have an interview at the library in a couple of weeks about becoming a volunteer literacy tutor....I WILL teach, regardless of the arena!  I am looking into taking some Spanish courses which will not only help me become more marketable, but will fulfill my need to learn...AND, two weeks from today, I will be busily packing for my two-week sojurn in Italy with my sister...It's all been paid for months ago (before I realized what a "fix" I would be in) except for food...and as my friend says, "LA will still be here when I get back"....and I've earned a break after 4 1/2 years of intense studying!

I think I'm going to find a picture of a tightrope walker and post it on my bathroom mirror to remind me...