A Different Point of View

After my mom passed away last year, my sister and I went through all of her possessions, earmarking those that would be donated and those that would be given to other family members. The one thing that I didn't let go of was her pair of glasses. I was going to donate them through a program run by LensCrafters, where they would be given to someone who needed them.

I couldn't do it. They sat on a ledge by my front door for weeks. One day, I had misplaced my own glasses and without thinking, picked up Mom's pair from the ledge and put them on. The world looked entirely different to me while wearing them. At that moment, I realized a new truth - intellectually, I had understood that people view things from different perspectives - but it now became a visceral understanding that I "got" at a deep level. Mom's glasses have a permanent home on the ledge; I see them and remember that truth every day.

Today was my Geology lab.....it's a capstone course, and not too much fun. The good part is that I have great lab partners - young women in their 20's that I'd met in previous classes - we work well together as a team. I was touched when one of my partners taped together some papers for me for a project....she noticed that my hands aren't as nimble as I'd like them to be. I'm the one who is used to doing for others - not being "done for"! When I thanked her, my other partner joked, "Well, we've been taught to respect our elders!" A couple of years ago, that remark would have really stung. Today, it didn't....because it's the truth! I am their elder, they do respect me, but they don't diminish me. After class, I thanked them for their help - they were surprised and spoke about how much I helped them! Teamwork is just that.... each member brings their own individual strengths to the table in order to create the synergy that results in the best possible outcome for the group. That pair of glasses continues to remind me to see things through other's eyes.

Although my mom is no longer here, she continues to teach me....I just love her glasses! Thank you, Momma!

We Only Get to Go Around Once...

...and I'm enjoying the ride!

My sis is arriving next Saturday morning from the San Juans. She needs and deserves a break. I couldn't put up with, or even begin to do, her job. She's an extraordinary woman. Actually, we're both extraordinary women!

This is the first time she's been to see me since Mom passed away last year. I could not have gotten through that time without her. She was always available to me on the phone as I was struggling to make good decisions about Mom's care. And when the going got too tough, she got on a plane and came down to be with me in person. And told me what a good job I was doing. And believed in me and supported me. And we supported each other at the end, when Mom was in the hospital under hospice care. It was an incredible experience, and there is no one else on this earth that I would have rather shared it with.

That's what my sis and I do. We are there for each other in the good and not so good times. We can count on each other....maybe not to say or do the things that the other wants to hear or to be done, but to say and do what is right, true and best for each other. Aren't I just so blessed to have her in my life? It wasn't always this way, which makes me cherish our relationship even more.

She's only staying until Wednesday morning. But she wants to do everything. Here's what's on her list so far:

Pedicures - this is our tradition.....we always get pedicures when we're together!

Visit Mom and Dad at the cemetery

Visit friend in Santa Barbara

Go to the beach

Eat grilled fish tacos at Baja Fresh

Attend PBS taping of David Foster and Andrea Bocelli's Christmas special at the Kodak Theatre Tuesday night- getting dressed up and wearing makeup...whoo hoo! Fancy dinner beforehand.....have to figure out where....

I can't wait to see her! Now, if I can just figure out how to not go to my classes on Monday and Tuesday......

I Did It!

I've been struggling with a situation for a couple of weeks. I needed to tell someone close to me that I needed something from them. I had made it crazy-complicated in my own head, visualizing less than perfect responses to my request and my feelings of rejection to the "no" answer. Finally got sick and tired of the anxiety and avoidance of stating my needs and visualized stating them clearly and calmly. Stopped worrying what the other person's reaction or answer to my request would be. Clarity at last. The exercise was about letting another person know what I needed - something that is extremely difficult for me to do....I protect myself from being rejected by others by being self-sufficient. Learning that there is a definite balance between total self-sufficiency (which isolates me from others) and accepting the fact that I do need to practice intimacy with the people in my life. This is a trust issue. But. the better and stronger I grow in learning,loving and liking who I am sets the stage for this next foray into learning my limits, expressing my needs and my expectations. Good stuff!

P.S. LESSON LEARNED: My request was well delivered, simply stating my facts and my needs; itwas well received and agreed upon. I amd SO GOOD at complicating things....simpler is easier and better, and less stress-inducing for everone involved.

I'm So Excited!

On Friday and Saturday, I get to spend time with these two lovely young ladies....Emma (top) and Ashlyn (left). Aren't I just the luckiest Grammy? I think they're worth the three hour drive - can't wait! Of course, Sunday will be a "rest" day for me, as I'll have had too much fun with my girls. But it will be worth it!

Hugs

I love hugs. I love to give them and I love to get them. There's just something about embracing and being embraced that enables me to feel more connected to the person on the other end of the hug.

I learned about hugging from my friend Paul, who is my best friend's husband. My first hug from him brought tears to my eyes. There's a difference between the "social" hug and the "I'm so glad to see you and I care about you hug"..... I"ve learned to put my whole self into my hugs and it's awesome!

This video says it all.....I love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Lessons Learned Today

Today has not been the best of days.....but not the worst, either. Part of it had to do with having to learn (again) that a 57 year old body encases my 20-something year old mind. The bathroom floor demolition project yesterday took its toll. I ache all over, but especially in my shoulders and neck. On top of that, I think I'm sick. Woke up at 6, got up, fed the dog and played ball with him....felt awful....nauseous and massive headache. Went back to bed....back up at 9 - no better. Did some reading for school and fell back to sleep. Woke up at 2:30.....shocked and amazed! Still not feeling too great, and think it might have something to do with smoky air from all of the fires. Doesn't matter what's causing it-it's just not fun.

The good part - Once again, I am reminded that my body has entered a stage that does not equate with my mind. I'm learning that I can still do what I want, but that I probably can't do it all at the same time.

The great part- I wouldn't want to go back to the 20-something (or even 30 or 40-something) mindset that I had to go along with the body! It's a good trade off....I just have to get used to it!

For now, I'll be happy if I finish the bathroom floor and everything else in there by Christmas....one bite at a time.

Zero Money = Think Outside the Box

Stepping away from the corporate world has given me the opportunity to learn how to think outside the box. When I was earning a good salary, I didn't think twice about spending money - if I saw something I wanted, I usually bought it (within reason).

Fast forward to today.....I'm a 57 year old college student with just a LITTLE income. My budget is very tight, especially since it's taken me longer than I planned to finish school (my mom needed more help from me in her last years than I had anticipated, but I have no regrets!). I tried to find a job this summer, but in this economy could find no matches. Rather than panic, I decided to spend quality time with those that I love, spending a blissful couple of weeks with my dear sister on her beautiful island in the San Juans, and time with my darling daughter and her young family - very different from the vacations I have taken in the past. Did I miss my European vacation time? You bet. Did I have a wonderful summer? You bet. Would I trade European time for my family time? Not in a million years.

Did I accomplish all that I wanted to this summer? No way! My little house, which was not in the best shape when I bought it, is in desperate need of some serious TLC. When I was working, other things took priority over my home.... raising my daughter, providing a home for my nephew and being successful in my career were at the top of my list. I got overwhelmed when I looked around and noted all the things that needed attention, and was immobilized by the sheer magnitude of what needs to be done. After stewing in my own mess for a bit, I decided to tackle my house, ONE ROOM AT A TIME~ so simple! I didn't know how to do much of anything regarding home repair, and Google became my best friend. I can still remember having to go to the library to get the information for reports for school - can I tell you how much I LOVE the internet?

I began with my bedroom and hallway and took the time to get actual samples of paint, bringing them home and trying them on the walls before I invested in the gallon size cans. I found JUST the color that I had envisioned! I ripped out all of the old baseboards and learned how to measure, cut and install new ones. It looks pretty good, and I feel proud of myself. (I still have to figure out how to rehang my louvered closed doors so that they will close though.....).

Next was my bathroom. This is a major project that is still in progress. Things are taking me lots longer than I thought. And some of of these things are harder than I thought they would be. That's OK.

Bathroom Round #1

I took down my shower enclosure and the weird ugly disintegrating laminate stuff off of the walls and was immediately immobilized once again. Back I went to Google, and spent a couple of days learning about tiling - they make it look SO easy! Found great tiles at a great price, and tiled my shower....then I had to put the shower enclosure back up.....I DID IT! It needs a little "tweaking", but each time that I get into my shower and admire the beautiful subway tiles, I get such a sense of accomplishment!

Bathroom Round #2

I really wanted to get a new bathroom vanity, mirror and cabinet. Found just the right ones. Can't afford them - I had no idea that this kind of stuff cost so much! Toned down my choices and found that it was STILL expensive! Stuck again, and madly trying to figure out how I could justify spending the money for just what I wanted...after all, I was doing all the work, and didn't I deserve just what I wanted? It finally dawned on my yesterday....why not just paint what you have? Back to Google, and guess what? It's doable! So now this is on my to-do list (but I will still buy a great mirror that I found online - that will be my reward for all of my hard work!).

Bathroom Round #3

Remember those little 1" square tiles that your grandparents had in their bathroom? That's what was on my floor. White. Ugly. Grout disintegrating. They're gone. My wonderful son in law did most of the removing - which has left me with what is underneath. I still haven't figured out what it all is....but I'm hacking and peeling it off, layer by layer. I found some of the original sub flooring today. I feel like I'm digging to China. But I'm actually getting there!

I'm finding that I am loving the changes that have come about in the way that I perceive things. Sure, I still get "frozen" when I realize that I can't do things the way that I used to; but with time, I have usually been able to figure out a way to accomplish what I want to do. Along the way, I'm also learning what matters most to me. Would I go back to my frenzied corporate existence? Don't think so! Going to school, expanding my world and thinking and working toward ultimately sharing what I've learned with my students is priceless. Having the ability to positively touch children's lives will be priceless. My family is priceless. I'm priceless. I'm a work in progress, and I love it.