A Great Day...

spent with my dearest friends!  My life has become SO busy in different ways...the job hunt is taking up most of my time....time that was formerly spent studying and working on school work...which I much prefer...finances are tighter than they've ever been, but I'm still hanging in there...but having no disposable income precludes much in the way of a social life!

Jan and Paul are my rocks...they are more than family to me, and I love them dearly.  We've been friends ever since our daughters met at three years old in the sandbox at preschool.  We have LOTS of history together...the good times, the hilarious adventures, the sad times, the awful times...we raised our daughters together...we lead a Girl Scout troop together...we face Jan's Parkinsons together..no matter what, we are there for each other, and I am blessed to have them in my life!

So, Paul bought us tickets for a bus trip to a casino yesterday...and yes, I went...not to gamble, but to shop at the outlet mall across the street from the casino....a three-hour bus trip both ways, broken up by a five-hour stay at the casino/mall...Jan and I headed to the mall, and my daughter (who lives 20 minutes away) met us there with Emma and Ashlyn.  We plundered the children's stores, and it was OK - different but OK - that I didn't buy anything for the girls...rather than focus on what I didn't have, I focused on what I DID have...and my heart was full.  I played with the girls and kept them occupied while Elizabeth and Jan shopped...Jan bought a darling dress for Emma (pictured above, jumping for joy!) - who is adamant about the fact that she will only wear dresses, skirts and shirts...and a good time was had by all....

On the way home, Paul and I were discussing my job search...he hadn't realized how long and how hard I've been looking....he has a niece who is the operations manager of a quality search firm, and he contacted her last night....my resume is on the way, and she will see that it gets into the right hands....such a blessing!

It was a great day...spent away from the relentless focus of  searching for a job...basking in the love that surrounded me...the comfort that comes from being with friends who fit like a favorite pair of jeans...again, finding that elusive balance that makes me, like my Emma, jump for joy!

A Balancing Act....

I admit that things are definitely not easy for me right now....I don't do well with uncertainty, and have been dealing with anxiety because of the state of my finances/future/employment...at times like this, I just want to pull the covers over my head and stay cocooned safely in my bed!

But I haven't done that....I've "hit the employment search" every single day...spent time with a beloved mentor who has helped me immensely by teaching me to reframe my perspective on my life...this is simply one chapter...NOT the entire story, by any means!  I've felt overwhelmed when my "life plan" got sidetracked thanks to the state of the California economy...felt anxious when not receiving any responses to resumes sent out, brochures offering tutoring services bringing no responses, and advertising rooms for rent in my home bringing the same zero responses.

I AM an educator...just not credentialed yet...that WILL come in time...in the meantime, something WILL come up that will enable me to continue to pay my bills and live.  I just have to keep up my end of the deal by continuing to do the footwork.

What got me into trouble was focusing ALL of my efforts on employment, and feeling the effects of rejection, which I translate into anxiety...and then became less effective in attaining my objective or accomplishing/enjoying anything else about my life.

Lesson learned:  BALANCE in all things is essential for my emotional well-being and quality of life.  I cannot let just one area overshadow the rest...the result for me is a disaster.

So, I headed down to San Diego for a couple of days to celebrate my daughter's birthday...Emma had her heart set on making Mommy a "house cake"....the results of our efforts are shown at the top of this post...precious moments that I could have missed if I didn't heed the lesson!  I have an interview at the library in a couple of weeks about becoming a volunteer literacy tutor....I WILL teach, regardless of the arena!  I am looking into taking some Spanish courses which will not only help me become more marketable, but will fulfill my need to learn...AND, two weeks from today, I will be busily packing for my two-week sojurn in Italy with my sister...It's all been paid for months ago (before I realized what a "fix" I would be in) except for food...and as my friend says, "LA will still be here when I get back"....and I've earned a break after 4 1/2 years of intense studying!

I think I'm going to find a picture of a tightrope walker and post it on my bathroom mirror to remind me...

A Bump in the Road...

So, things in my life aren't going exactly according to my plan...I've been here before, and things have always turned out for the better for me...but, I'm anxious and confused about what my next direction will be...I HAD planned to take a paid internship with the school system in order to be able to afford my teaching credential training....NONE of the school systems in my area are using this program for the next school year...gotta love the California budget problems!  Looking for a job is not panning out well at all...I get up each morning and scour the internet for job leads...tweak my resume and cover letters and apply....no responses....I've registered with temp agencies, and have had only a couple of jobs with them....have applied for every job that I thought I was even remotely qualified for, including restocking shelves at supermarkets...no responses...I've advertised my two extra bedrooms for rent...no responses..my funds are running on empty....I have to remind myself that for me, it's always when things seem the most bleak that the right door opens...so, I am filling my days with chores around the house - all of the baseboards and moldings in my living room and hallways have been replaced and painted...I've signed up to volunteer at the library to teach reading to adults and children...the rose bushes in my back yard have been ferociously groomed...I'm more tan than I have been in years...working on finishing my bathroom remodel...and reminding myself that this too shall pass...

I Love the Internet...

As suggested by the title of my blog, I do tend to want to "figure things out"....whether it be the direction my life will take, how I see the world, or how things work...my curiosity, coupled with an attitude of "if I try and fail, at least I've learned something" and the wonders of the internet have served me well.

Case in point:  I had a clogged toilet in the second bathroom...very clogged...don't know if the "littles" had a field day with diaper wipes or if my system was just overwhelmed with having ten people staying here...so, I purposefully plunged at intervals for a couple of days, with no positive results.  Having seen the inner workings of the system while the toilet was being reseated, I realized that it really wasn't that complicated....and if the plunging didn't work, something else surely would...so off to the internet I went...and found a solution!

I poured about  a half-cup of dishwashing liquid into the bowl, followed by a teapot full of boiling water....let it sit about 10-15 minutes, and plunged again.  All of my troubles swirled away...thank you, Internet!  Sure beats a plumbing bill, and I feel so accomplished! 

Life on the Other Side....

...of graduation!

I can't believe that I seriously considered NOT going through the ceremony....many thanks to all who convinced me to change my mind!  It was a perfect ending to this chapter of my life, and the perfect bridge to the next...

My daughter got to see me realize the first step in my dream...one that we had been talking about since she was a little girl...

...and my granddaughters saw that dreams can come true with willingness and hard work!

Then it was time to let my hair down, so it was off to Disneyland for a few days with my sis and her family...

  ...after they got on the plane, I headed down to San Diego to attend Emma's graduation from Puggles (Awanas)...

...Emma was thrilled that she was graduating, just like Grammy.....of course, we all got silly with the ponytails, too...

Now I'm home in my (now) quiet house, basking in all of the wonderful memories while I clean up from the 10 tornadoes that were here....working on my Credential Program application....working on the bathroom...working on finding a job...working on plans for Italy...life is GOOD!

I Did It!

Anticipation...

The arrivals begin this evening.....by Wednesday night, there will be 10 people staying with me in my little house...some camping in the back yard!   Am I ready?  Heck, no!  The big stuff has been completed....like the tiling of my bathroom floor and the resetting of the toilets in both bathrooms...whew!  Will I ever tile a floor again?  Don't think so...am much better on walls!  Still work to do in the bathroom....baseboards, paint, etc.....but it's finally functional again, and that's what matters....let the celebrations begin!

Tonight is the Honors Convocation at my university....yes, I am graduating Magna Cum Laude (I know I'm bragging, but it has been well-earned)...Wednesday evening is my actual graduation ceremony....and Thursday morning is my nephew's graduation ceremony....he actually graduated in December, but is flying down to "walk"...

I am looking forward to having my house full of those that I love so dearly...sitting around the firepit outside in the evening...the last time so many of us were gathered together around the fire we were planning my Mom's funeral...bittersweet memories, but I know that she will be smiling down upon us all ....and after all of the graduation hoopla, we're all headed to Disneyland for a couple of days!

I'm gonna need a vacation when everyone goes home.....