I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, mostly in response to my reactions to changes that have come about in my life. Take Thanksgiving - a perfect example. I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner for more years than I want to count. When my daughter married, she and her husband chose to spend this holiday with his family. The dinner is hosted by his grandparents, who are approaching their late 80's. Switching off years in order to have the "day" at my house is not an option. Since their marriage, I have chosen to have Thanksgiving on Friday instead. I no longer have this option as my newest granddaughter, Ashlyn, was born two days after Thanksgiving last year.
I was not "feeling it" this year, for sure! Although I was invited to David's grandparents to share in their dinner, logistics and school commitments required that I make a choice between traveling 3 hours in each direction for either Thanksgiving or Ashlyn's first birthday party. I chose the birthday party, all the while inwardly sulking that I wasn't going to get "my share". On Thanksgiving, Jeffrey (my nephew who lives with me), his girlfriend and I all went OUT to dinner. A first for me! And I traveled down to San Diego on Friday to help with the birthday party preparations and celebration on Saturday. A good time was had by all, and I feel that I chose the right way.
I've still been feeling "out of sorts" about this whole holiday thing, all based on the honest truth that I still want to be the center of the family. When Christmas rolls around, I don't want to still be feeling this way. Elizabeth has three sets of families to please for this holiday - her husband's, her father's, and me. Last year, we had Christmas dinner the day after. I could see how stressed she and David were about having to try to live up to other people's expectations and demands on their time. It was easy for me to make that change in the schedule, because my love for her transcends all. When looked at in this way, it's all quite simple!
Obviously, it's been a time for me to perform a "reality check". Things HAVE changed. I am no longer the center, nor should I be. My expectations in this area have lead me to a time of sulking and feeling a little sorry for myself. This is NOT a good place to be. My attitude has lead to my missing out on the joys of the season. Time for an adjusted perspective, and focus on the abundance of things in my life that I am grateful for. Once again, I must learn to let go.
So, when next Thanksgiving rolls around, I will gladly join the dinner table, wherever it may be located. According to Elizabeth, she and David will be hosting at their house next year. I'm officially passing the torch on to her!