Earlier on, I learned that I had lost any hope of a relationship with one of my brothers. I've written before about my pets, and the joy that they bring me, in spite of their health challenges. I had to let go of my dog, Spencer, tonight. He had injured his tongue (we think by biting it accidently while catching tennis balls, his main obsession in life. I found him in my kitchen, covered in blood, which continued to flow and flood the kitchen. After finally determing the nature of his injury and trying to stop the bleeding on my own, I had to take him to the vet for treatment. He needed to have his tongue stitched, but the cost was prohibitive, due the need for anesthesia, the testing for his ability to withstand the the anesthesia and overnight observation - when all was said and done, it would have cost over $1000. I have always provided my animals with the best care possible; this was a moment of truth for me. I could have charged the surgey, but cannot afford to incur more debt, as I am an unemployed full-time college student. I had to make the decision to have Spencer euthanized. Tough sailing, to say the least. I am eternally grateful to have had my nephew with me - I could not have done this alone. At first, I was not going to be with Spencer for the procedure, but later changed my mind. I needed to be with my dear pet and to say goodbye. I was glad that I could be there to hold him and to say my good-byes and to thank him for all the joy that he had brought to my life. It was a peaceful passing for Spencer. And now he is in the big dog park in heaven, chasing his tennis balls to his heart's content. I will miss my beloved Spencer terribly.
This week has been one of keen losses for me; the loss of any contact with my brother, coupled with the loss of my beloved dog. What keeps me going is my belief that God's timing is perfect, and that these losses will only confirm my need to move closer in my relationship with Him, the source of all things good and holy. He knows what is best for me, and I draw great comfort from that, even though today I don't understand what lessons he intends for me to learn, I have my suspicions.
So I am going to continue to be kind and gentle to myself; to treat myself with love and take care of me. This, too, shall pass. I will be open to finding out what the lessons will be, and patient while they are revealed.